Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
