cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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