have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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