Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
