I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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