I cannot find my penis.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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