I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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