2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
