hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
