Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
