you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
