We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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