had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
