Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
