Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
