So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
