She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
