Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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