If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
