Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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