Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
