I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
