forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
