i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he was CRYING into my vagina
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
