I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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