Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
