I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
