Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
