FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
