too bad you live with your parents still
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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