dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
