im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
