Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
