I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize