census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
did i just pee glitter
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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