If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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