it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
