Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
