Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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