She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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