i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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