I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
