Just fell off a train. Bad.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
