Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize