i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
