seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
