i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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