U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
