i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
