Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
