After last night, I could never be a politician.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
