I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
smell my finger.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
