Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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