Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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