Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize