Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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