Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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