Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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