then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
In America we eat man semen.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i out mim tonsoeep
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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