I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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