Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
