i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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