last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
