FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
