fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
