It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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