i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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