Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
