What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
