is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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