I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
